![]() ![]() The wholesome humans are singing along en masse now, thereby signaling that we’re all losers.ģ:04: Oh, crap. Go ahead and sit directly behind Dolly.” (YouTube)Ģ:45: Oh, crap. First one to move is the loser! “Hey, extra No. Two questions: 1) Is this a cult? And, 2) Is there about to be a human sacrifice? ‘Cause this is weird. “No time for losers” and now this? This doesn’t feel very supportive, Dolly!Ģ:28: Dolly is in the bleachers again, now surrounded by a wholesome group of perfectly still young people who stare intently at her face, even if it means twisting around in their seats to do so. A handful of my brain cells just died.ġ:40: A montage of athletes biting the dust, in slow motion, on their respective fields. (YouTube)ġ:26: The line “I’ve taken my bows” is accompanied by - what else? - a runner taking a bow. Strong bachelorette-party-with-too-many-of-your-drunk-aunts-in-Vegas vibes emanate from the screen. Inclusion!Ġ:52: An image of two athletes literally fighting to accompany the line “We’ll keep on fighting ’til the end.” Subtle imagery is everywhere!Ġ:56: Oh, snap! Dolly’s wearing bronze now! Five dollars says she’s about to show up dressed as a participation certificate.Ġ:59: Gold, silver and bronze Dolly are singing in front of the Eiffel Tower now, together. ![]() Because winning a silver medal is also perfectly respectable, and Dolly wouldn’t want you to think otherwise. Because if this song isn’t literal enough already, by God, Dolly can and will hammer it home with a wardrobe choice.Ġ:49: She’s wearing silver now. Do you feel that, everyone? It’s the sound of trying to get excited about something that doesn’t start for another year! Yay!Ġ:40: Dolly’s wearing a gold dress now. (YouTube)Ġ:36: Fireworks explode behind the Eiffel Tower and sports montages begin, complete with a backing track of roaring crowds. ![]() Who feels like goin’ to the Olympics?! Woo! Dolly Parton: Very much not at a pep rally and obviously sad about it. As you might expect, it’s a thing to behold! Here then, is our (admittedly cynical) rundown of everything that happens in the video.Ġ:05: Dolly sits somberly on empty bleachers wearing the same facial expression she might adopt before singing “ Me and Little Andy,” her classic track in which an abandoned six-year-old child and her cute little dog beg strangers for help, then unceremoniously drop dead. ![]() The video for the final awkward-combo song was released today. Because apparently good sense was entirely absent in the Rockstar recording sessions. Queen’s 1977 hit was already played out as a sporting anthem when the San Francisco Giants decided to play it into our unwilling ears at every game following their 2012 World Series win, but sure, let’s keep flogging that dead horse, shall we?ĭolly, perhaps keen to differentiate her sporty use of “We Are the Champions” from other sporty uses of “We Are the Champions,” has also tacked a gratuitous rendition of “We Will Rock You” onto the end. One of the first tastes we’re getting of Rockstar is the brand new video for a solo Dolly performing Queen’s “We Are the Champions,” in anticipation of the Summer 2024 Olympics in Paris. ![]()
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